A really interesting thought that crossed my mind recently is that yes this year has turned out to be one of the worst of my life, however I do believe that it has also shaped it into one of the best because of all the experiences I have been able to have. I wonder what type of person I would be like today without my diagnosis, I genuinely believe being diagnosed with cancer has made me a much better person. It helps me to understand, listen and not to judge anyone and I would never intentionally do this beforehand, but it has really emphasised that you don’t have a clue what someone is going through. If I wasn’t so public about my diagnosis would you know I was seriously ill? I’m pretty sure a lot of your answers would be no... I still have my hair, I’ve gained weight rather than lost it and I try my absolute best to lead a normal seventeen-year old’s life. Looking at me I look no different to anyone else, this can also be tough because if people do not know your situation it makes it difficult to explain why I can’t walk as fast, go out late frequently, climb stairs as fast or why I need a seat more often. Now many people wouldn’t think to stand up and offer their seat for someone who looks perfectly fine, I know I certainly wouldn’t have thought to before my diagnosis but this is the part I am grateful for as it has really opened my eyes and I have realised that not everything is visible and more often than not the most important aspects of your life aren’t. I always say ‘aw I hate my hair’ but recently I’ve taken a step back and thought hold on, you shouldn’t have any hair and it really registers how lucky I actually am to have my short hair for all it’s not long which I would prefer and was used to for many years. Many people complain about having to work or go to university the usual Monday blues because they have to get up early, yet again they are extremely lucky to be in that position, I’d do anything to be at Stirling studying and being able to stand for my old 4 hour shifts to earn money. I’m not saying that in any way you should feel guilty for complaining about the little things, because we all do it and they might not be little at all to you, perhaps extremely important at that time but every now and again let yourself realise that in fact you are extremely lucky to be in the position you are in and to be leading such a productive life. I have been really down especially during fresher’s week seeing everyone start their year of studies or work, I think to myself what have I done this year? I can’t go to the gym and work out as much as I would like, I can’t work and save up money, I can’t start my year of studies. What have I accomplished? In fact, something I have been trying my best to and I believe I can, is to survive. Which eventually I have realised is going to be one of the greatest achievements of my life and that makes this gap year for treatment that little bit less disappointing.
