Catch Up

An update… things have been pretty good, I smashed chemo 3 and I am officially a quarter of the way through my treatment!!!! Okay, yes, it is still going to be about 4/5 months of treatment till I get the all clear, but we will get there. I have developed this anxiety of chemo, it’s really strange because when I’m there I’m cool, calm and I just read a book (well attempt to) or listen to music. However, leading up to treatment I dread it because I know how it’s going to make me feel. It’s a very bitter sweet treatment because at the end of the day whilst destroying my bad cells it also destroys my good ones. I am pretty used to feeling “under the weather” now I’d explain a good day for me, a healthy person would take a day off work but it’s just the way I have learned to cope with fatigue and overall feeling gross before and during my diagnosis. The first few days after treatment have been tough this cycle, feeling sick is honestly my worst nightmare I’d rather spew and feel better than constantly feel like I will. Onto the subject of my hair… I’d like to say it’s still unnoticeable as my sister said its looking great, I mean she is my sister and has to say that, but she seemed genuine lol. However, I do feel it continually thinning and have attached a picture of some bath water draining away to help put into perspective what’s coming out currently. I’ve never cleaned out my brush so much in my life! And that’s saying something because I have always hated a brush full of hair and cleaned it pretty regularly. I have to say I have become the proud mum to a very handsome fur baby called Hodge, I’ve wanted a bunny for months and I feel it’s been amazing for me to have him around. It was a complete spur of the moment decision one minute I was sitting with my mum eating lunch then we were driving to loch lomand. I really have the most amazing family and I love them more than words can describe. He is tiny, 7 weeks old and full of cuddles. A really important aspect of my journey is having something to focus on and hand on heart I am totally obsessed with Hodge. He gives me a reason to get out of bed, so I can feed and see him because it is likely there will be days ahead where they will be bad but then they can only get better! Also, I find that even getting up and brushing my teeth, washing my face, putting my contacts in even when I feel my worst helps because I have accomplished something for that day, no matter how little it seems its extremely important. Hodge was aptly named after my Hodgkin’s lymphoma and I feel it really turns an extremely negative soon to be memory of the diseases name into a very positive one. Recently there was a programme on BBC 2 and it was called horizon: teenagers vs cancer I'm sure it would be available on iPlayer for anyone interested and I think it is a great insight to a teenager with cancers journey, we are just normal teens with a bit of a tough journey ahead, not very different. For all I know I have the support of every single one of you reading this and many more you are not directly in my shoes and I hope you never will be but it’s a very interesting programme, I highly recommend it. I’d also like to take this opportunity to thank you all for your continuous support because I wouldn’t be as positive without you all.

Lots of love

N xx