This week has been tough. It’s funny because I often only think about writing a blog when I’m either extremely happy with good news or have had a bad day. In this instance I’ve had a few bad days. To explain a bad day, everything around you could be perfect but you yourself are just not up to much at all and feel extremely down and poorly. I received chemo 7 on Tuesday and I’d been feeling pretty poorly beforehand but having had my usual blood tests the day before the doctor gave me antibiotics and the all clear for my treatment to go ahead. As many of you know who have followed my blog from the beginning I’m very prone to sinusitis, tonsillitis and the flu. This time my nurse told me I had the rhinovirus which to us is the cause of the common cold. However, imagine someone with a pretty good immune system struggling with a cold amplify that pain ten times for me, and 100 times more that I received chemo during this. I have been practically bed bound since Tuesday and this is the first time since my very first few chemotherapy’s that I actually have struggled to get out of bed and have had to force myself to brush my teeth or brush my hair. Those little things that give that day a sense that I have accomplished something no matter how small. I have tried my very best to stay positive throughout my journey so far, but my positivity was a little out of grasp this week, I am angry at myself however these bad days make you stronger and realise how much you have been through. This has now enabled me to pick myself up and perhaps will motivate me in the future not to feel so down and that no matter what I’m faced with I will smash it because I know deep down I can. Given that I only have five chemotherapy’s left time feels like it is flying by however at the same time that is still two months and now that my previous chemo has been tough I know my chemo anxiety for the next is going to be ridiculous. In a sense I have been extremely lucky to be diagnosed over summer because the schools were off, everyone was having lazy days and it was easy to schedule plans. Now everyone is moving on after school and have everything planned, another reason I think I’ve been struggling Is because I should have all of these plans for university and the upcoming year. But I’m in a bit of confusion to what will happen. When I will be fit enough to start back my part time job, when I’ll be fit enough to not overthink the very little things of daily life. I guess that’s just something I have to look forward to in a way. I know this post is a little depressing and I hope you’ve stuck with it to get to the end but the overall message I’m trying to portray is that no matter how bad things get, they will always get better. I’m extremely lucky to be in my position with the amazing people around me and soon I’ll be even luckier to be ringing that bell in less than three months, all going well.
With all my love
Nicole
